For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
