How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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