Christians are straight up FREAKS
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
