I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
this hospital has no fireball
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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