nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
