if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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