I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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