hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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