you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
