Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i will never coherently bang her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
