its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
