I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
