mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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