she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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