You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
