We're facebook friends in real life
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
