You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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