this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They took my balls.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
