Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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