Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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