please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
