Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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