He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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