i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
