dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
