Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize