if only i could text you this smell
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
