You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
