I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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