During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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