I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
