just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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