I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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