Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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