I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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