Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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