i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
