I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
