She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
