last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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