I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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