Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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