while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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