I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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