You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
