As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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