The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize