Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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