You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
