I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
