They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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