You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
