is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
