I wanna bring you to show and tell
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
