dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
