My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
where does the pee come out of this thing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
