She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
