girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My life is pants optional.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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