there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
