Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
