You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize