Non-Jews are for practice
im six kinds of drunk right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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