apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize