she was so not down for the gang bang
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
