I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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