Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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