She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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