Im at strip club and am horny
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
