I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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