During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
