Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
