Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
