The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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