One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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