if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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